The Final Countdown

A new James Bond movie, Adele returned to music, Paris was attacked, Brussels was locked down, migrants flooded into Europe (sometimes to more violence), Southern France flooded, Portugal’s government was overturned in an election, Turkey shot down a Russian plane… If Billy Joel hadn’t already written We Didn’t Start the Fire, I would most certainly be writing the European version for 2015. Studying abroad changed me in more profound ways than I can count, but for me it simply boils down to exposure. There are many trials in life that can test one’s self and cause one to grow, but simply being exposed to a different culture firsthand is the flashpoint.

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For many, studying abroad is the first time they are truly thrust into a foreign country to live and not simply enjoy the comforts of short travel such as family, resorts, and even modern appliances. The shock alone from this is an amazingly difficult time to overcome but certainly makes you a better traveler, more flexible, and it grows your appreciation for what the word home means to you. While this experience and the following period of reflection are critical points that many students and young adults experience upon their first extended travels abroad, this is not what I was looking for.

Having been born abroad, traveled abroad, and briefly “studied” abroad before I was looking for more than simply the initial discomfort of a foreign environment: I wanted to truly dissolve into a new community, gain professional experience, and develop my language skills to a higher level of proficiency (and maybe the elusive status of fluency). For me, that possibility was studying abroad in Brussels. Being able to use my French daily, albeit working around Flemish, working as an analyst in a think tank with European colleagues, attending classes about security and international politics from European experts, and the simple conversations with my barber or bar tender truly opened me up to life outside the US.

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My personal growth abroad was mastering my travel identities. Being able to travel and live abroad is analogous to that of a wardrobe: you need a small set of skills that you can easily mix and match for the occasion. Whether it be knowing not to speak French to a Fleming, speak French before English with a Walloon, speak softly on the metro, kiss someone’s cheek once (twice, even thrice), it’s important to bring more than just a suitcase and a good book. What we fail to realize sometimes as travelers, expats, students, or simply outsiders is that being “cultured” isn’t the amount of travel nor the amount of facts we can divulge on request, but the subconscious ability to change our perspective and demeanor. Being “cultured” is adapting to foreign environments a habit: change is the norm. I do not claim to be a travel chameleon that can change identity without even knowing, but I am a league closer than I was prior to living in Brussels.

I have written previously about the importance of flexibility, and to this day it is still a skill that I continue to work on. I cannot definitively say that studying abroad is the only way I would have learned value of this skill and it is not the first time I have truly needed it, but it is the reason for my continuous reflection upon the matter. Whether it has been trains, planes, and automobiles, lodging, food, language gaps, or simply the trustworthy male sense of direction, I am truly grateful for this experience and how it has taught me about self-control, understanding, and the ability to move with “fluid” situations.

As I prepare to come “home” to my house in the North suburbs of Chicago to see my family for Christmas, I am left thinking about what this experience means to me moving forward. Metaphorically speaking, I have finished the who, what, when, where, and why, but now I am on the how. To me, there are two ways to use my knowledge when I return: as an advocate and professionally. To distinguish between the two, advocacy to me in this case would be stressing the importance to fellow Americans of the dire need to intervene in the Middle East because of ISIS (having witnessed the effects of their terrorism throughout Europe) or simply stressing the importance of being smart travelers and knowing more about your destination than simply your hotel and where the bars are. Professionally speaking I plan to use my experiences and knowledge throughout the rest of my life whether it is in my classes at DU, discussions with peers, a potential career in diplomacy, or simply applying for jobs. I think the most valuable skill is being able to connect with a complete stranger from the other side of the world, and this experience has opened up more doors to bring me closer to that goal.

These are my three pieces of advice upon returning from Brussels:

  1. We never stop growing inside. Our curiosity fuels the adventure in our lives, that’s what makes us human.
  2. There is always a reason to leave, the hard part is finding reasons why you shouldn’t.
  3. It is always nice to come home, learn to make home more places than one.

 

 

Coping with Returnee-ism

Oh boy. You’re a returnee. You’ve just gotten home from abroad. Now, you’re responsible for validating your existence and entire experience in a 30-second-or-less recap where you attempt to explain a roller coaster of emotions, a sense of self-actualization, loneliness, elation, and tangible experiences. Good. Luck.

If you’re anything like me, you’ve learned the greatest deflecting tactic on the planet:

Acquaintance A: “How was your trip?”

Me: “It was amazing!!!”

For most people, that interaction will suffice. They’ve engaged you to a surface-level point where they’ve shown enough interest to maintain your relationship, but still remain depth-free, and while you’re stricken with guilt knowing you’re telling a minuscule portion of your experience, you are more than happy to avoid talking about your trip’s pit falls and focus on the amazing parts. Win-win.

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I visited the Miyajima Shrine in Japan, which was actually amazing

Acquaintance A: “What made it so amazing? What did you do? Were there any difficult parts? ”

Once the second probe happens, you buckle down. They’re really interested. You’re not getting away scot free. Winter is coming.

You have to understand, I’m extroverted and still hate this part. I like to think of myself as articulate, but have an extremely difficult time encapsulating the holistic nature of a trip abroad. The peaks feed into the troughs, which then feed into the peaks, in an endless cycle that still affects me well after my return.

For example, during my study abroad program, I directly enrolled in the University of Salamanca, meaning I set up my own classes, lived with a host-family, and didn’t have an immediate support group of Americans I saw every day. I loved the freedom of this lifestyle, where I didn’t have to answer to anyone but myself, but simultaneously was driven crazy by the amount of time I spent alone. Working through the loneliness, on the flip side, remains a great point of pride for me, as I found my own inner strength and moral compass, but doesn’t take away from the fact that I was really lonely at times. In short, my experience was a double-edged sword, which was not always easy to explain. Returnee-ism reared its ugly head.

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The positive, amazing hike side of my double-edged trip to British Colombia      (negative side not pictured)

So, here’s my advice for dealing with returnee-ism:

  1. First, accept the fact that these interactions are going to happen, and are going to happen whenever you come home from an exciting place. I just got home from attending two of my best friend’s wedding in Japan a month ago, and I dealt with the exact same questions I faced coming home from Spain.
  2. Second, if the trip didn’t have a frustrating aspect, then you’re either remembering incorrectly or lying to yourself. Overall, my trip to Japan was one of the best of my life, but that doesn’t mean there weren’t low points. The longer you live somewhere, the more this is magnified. Even if you can’t explain the complete nature of a trip to someone else, be as truthful as possible. Gilding or demonizing your trips can discount what you learned from them.
  3. Third, debrief. I went to Israel during December of 2014 and had an interesting experience, but one that was really frustrating as well. I wrote a blog on it, which really helped me put my trip in perspective. I’m in the process of writing one for Japan, and always travel with a journal. Find whatever mechanism is best for you to debrief, it’ll do you a lot of good.
  4. Finally, internalize everything, and go out again. Each time I’ve traveled after my study abroad experience, either domestically or internationally, I applied what I learned before and gained new skills to boot.

-Max Spiro, Graduate Study Abroad Assistant