Coping with Returnee-ism

Oh boy. You’re a returnee. You’ve just gotten home from abroad. Now, you’re responsible for validating your existence and entire experience in a 30-second-or-less recap where you attempt to explain a roller coaster of emotions, a sense of self-actualization, loneliness, elation, and tangible experiences. Good. Luck.

If you’re anything like me, you’ve learned the greatest deflecting tactic on the planet:

Acquaintance A: “How was your trip?”

Me: “It was amazing!!!”

For most people, that interaction will suffice. They’ve engaged you to a surface-level point where they’ve shown enough interest to maintain your relationship, but still remain depth-free, and while you’re stricken with guilt knowing you’re telling a minuscule portion of your experience, you are more than happy to avoid talking about your trip’s pit falls and focus on the amazing parts. Win-win.

Japan1
I visited the Miyajima Shrine in Japan, which was actually amazing

Acquaintance A: “What made it so amazing? What did you do? Were there any difficult parts? ”

Once the second probe happens, you buckle down. They’re really interested. You’re not getting away scot free. Winter is coming.

You have to understand, I’m extroverted and still hate this part. I like to think of myself as articulate, but have an extremely difficult time encapsulating the holistic nature of a trip abroad. The peaks feed into the troughs, which then feed into the peaks, in an endless cycle that still affects me well after my return.

For example, during my study abroad program, I directly enrolled in the University of Salamanca, meaning I set up my own classes, lived with a host-family, and didn’t have an immediate support group of Americans I saw every day. I loved the freedom of this lifestyle, where I didn’t have to answer to anyone but myself, but simultaneously was driven crazy by the amount of time I spent alone. Working through the loneliness, on the flip side, remains a great point of pride for me, as I found my own inner strength and moral compass, but doesn’t take away from the fact that I was really lonely at times. In short, my experience was a double-edged sword, which was not always easy to explain. Returnee-ism reared its ugly head.

Vancouver1
The positive, amazing hike side of my double-edged trip to British Colombia      (negative side not pictured)

So, here’s my advice for dealing with returnee-ism:

  1. First, accept the fact that these interactions are going to happen, and are going to happen whenever you come home from an exciting place. I just got home from attending two of my best friend’s wedding in Japan a month ago, and I dealt with the exact same questions I faced coming home from Spain.
  2. Second, if the trip didn’t have a frustrating aspect, then you’re either remembering incorrectly or lying to yourself. Overall, my trip to Japan was one of the best of my life, but that doesn’t mean there weren’t low points. The longer you live somewhere, the more this is magnified. Even if you can’t explain the complete nature of a trip to someone else, be as truthful as possible. Gilding or demonizing your trips can discount what you learned from them.
  3. Third, debrief. I went to Israel during December of 2014 and had an interesting experience, but one that was really frustrating as well. I wrote a blog on it, which really helped me put my trip in perspective. I’m in the process of writing one for Japan, and always travel with a journal. Find whatever mechanism is best for you to debrief, it’ll do you a lot of good.
  4. Finally, internalize everything, and go out again. Each time I’ve traveled after my study abroad experience, either domestically or internationally, I applied what I learned before and gained new skills to boot.

-Max Spiro, Graduate Study Abroad Assistant

 

Enjoying Drinking Responsibly While Abroad


Drinking Responsibly While Abroad

You’ve packed your whole life and multiple seasons of clothes into a suitcase, bid farewell to your parents and once again to your childhood bedroom, stuffed your body in an airplane for an inhumanly long flight and finally you‘ve landed in a faraway place ready to begin what you’ll call for the rest of your life “my study abroad experience.” You’re confronted with a sea of differences; new culture, new friends, perhaps a new language and most likely a new set of laws concerning alcohol. While the rules don’t change when it comes to the risks of drinking, in order to get the most out of your time abroad, there are some things you should be weary of if you do choose to drink.  If you do choose to drink while in your new “favorite country” that “you’re never ever leaving” be sure to keep the following tips on hand.

  1. Some people will drink but not drinking is a viable option.

It’s never a problem to opt out, whether it’s because drinking isn’t for you, or because you’re just not feeling it that night. This is really just a general rule of thumb when you’re abroad but certainly applies to drinking: While it’s important to have new experiences while you’re abroad, to try new things, and to have fun, it is just as important to use your best judgement, and to make decisions that are right and fitting for YOU (you know yourself best!).

  1. Just because the bar never stops serving doesn’t mean you shouldn’t stop drinking.

You may find that other countries don’t stop serving alcohol at 2 a.m. as they do in the U.S. The longer you stay out drinking, the more dangerous drinking becomes. Be your own boss and decide what time is too late for you to keep drinking. Also, keep in mind that while the nightlife may be vibrant and alive, life also exists during the day. You don’t want to miss out on day adventures because you’re trying to catch up on sleep.

rave

  1. Just like the language and culture, the alcohol is different too.

Drinking is always risky business, but in other countries you should know that alcohol can be regulated in different ways and sometimes is more dangerous. For example, liquors like absinthe (a liquor more than two times as strong as average hard liquors in the U.S.), while illegal in the U.S., is legal and popular internationally. Don’t accept strange drinks and read labels if possible. Even beers can be deceiving in many foreign countries, some containing three times as much alcohol percentage than the average 4-5% American beer. If you are eager to try new things, chances are you will have the opportunity another time and can research and ask questions about this strange new alcohol the next day before you decide to try it.

  1. Know what drinking past responsible limits means for your own body.

This may mean for you having no more than one drink but just because for your new cool friend from Chile or Italy, it means having less than five, by no means do you have to try and assimilate to this part of their culture. There’s no such thing as a language barrier when it comes to saying no to another drink that will put you over the edge. Simply shake your head and use hand motions or just learn how to say no, it can’t be that hard!  If you don’t already know what responsible limit works for you, only have one drink and see how you feel. You may find drinking is not a responsible or comfortable choice for you at all.

alcohol

  1. Plan Ahead.

Drinking without a plan is never a good idea but doing so in an unfamiliar setting can make for a disaster. Before taking a sip of alcohol, know where you plan to go, how you plan to get there, how much you want to drink of what, and most importantly HOW and WHEN you want to go home and then make a back-up plan! Write the details down if you need to (bus lines and times, cab service phone numbers, etc). If you take a bus to one place, by the time you are ready to leave the same bus may have stopped running until the morning and you may need enough money for a taxi.time

  1. Stay in control.

College students studying abroad across the world end up in hospitals all the time due to their decisions to drink irresponsibly and put themselves in situations where they don’t have fair judgement. Never drink so much that you are unable to make decisions you are uncomfortable or incapable of safely making while under the influence. Remember this: You can never blame the outcomes of your actions on the fact that you were drinking, you can only blame the outcomes on the fact that you chose to drink. That said, keep in mind whether or not choosing to push the limits of responsible drinking will put you out of control and if you’ll end up having to wonder if the outcomes of your actions would’ve been more favorable had you not been drinking.

  1. Laws change but the rules don’t!

You may be able to drink if you’re not 21 or not get kicked out of the bar at 2:01am but the rules about staying safe when drinking don’t change when you cross the border. Here are a few fundamentals to remember when drinking in any location:

  • Eat! Eat a real full meal before drinking!
  • Drink! Drink WATER before you start drinking alcohol.
  • Water-Alcohol-Water! Drink water in between alcoholic beverages.
  • Pace yourself! The night is young but so are you and you’ll have plenty more time in life to drink in the future so take at least 30 minutes to 1 hour between each beverage.
  • Stick together! Friends who stick together, stay safe together! Don’t let your friends leave your sight or be afraid to suggest they stop drinking if you’re worried about their safety. Getting a friend water could never do harm, chances are you need some too.
  • Never take drinks from strangers! Only accept drinks you saw being made and never leave your drink unattended. Having your drink drugged while outside of the U.S. is even greater of a reality, don’t trust anyone with your drink and if you’re unsure it’s safe, don’t be afraid to pour it out!
  1. The fun stops when you put yourself or others in danger.

Drinking past responsible limits or without taking proper precautions can turn a night of fun into a nightmare. Educate yourself on responsible drinking through these tips and be sure to put them into practice in real life. Stay away from situations where you’re more susceptible to crime and other risks. Keep in mind the stereotypes others may have of you because of your nationality, it unfortunately may be that you are an easy target for pickpocketing or other crimes. Never forget to be proactive and cautious of your surroundings when drinking. Always watch your back, and keep your belongings in front pockets and backpacks and purses close to your body. There’s one thing you can prevent from ruining even a day of your studies abroad and it’s an unfavorable experience with alcohol. Enjoy your time to the fullest while away from DU but enjoy it with your safety and wellbeing in mind!

  1. Know how the culture treats alcohol.

Some cultures will add pressure to drink, even sometimes to drink in excess. However, always be culturally sensitive. While you may observe people appreciating and enjoying one or two glasses of wine, drinking in excess is not acceptable at all. You may even be in a country where alcohol is illegal or socially unaccepted. Do your research, ask locals, teachers and your host family if you have one about the norms surrounding alcohol if you do choose to drink. Remember you are an ambassador of not only the United States but also DU.

  1. Learn to say cheers in the language!

Ask a local for proper pronunciation:

Spanish – Salud! Arabic- فى صحتك (fa sahatek)
French – Santé! Thai – Chok dee
German – Prost! Swedish – Skal (said like skawl)
Chinese – 干杯!Gan1Bei1! Japanese -乾杯 (kan pie)

drinking