Pre-Departure Feels

As my departure date has quickly shrunk from three months to three days, I’ve found myself swept up in a whirlwind of emotions, challenges, and seemingly endless bullets on my to-do list. My ten months in France have gone from a silly abstract trip to very, very real. From spending hours comparing sim cards and the best banks for international use, it seems like there’s always one more thing that needs to be figured out. Where’s the nearest grocery store? What if I get sick (what’s a girl gotta do to get some acetaminophen :/)??

It’s 48 hours before my departure, and while there’s still much to be done, I can say that there is a lot that I have figured out. I’ve chosen an area I like in the city, signed a lease on a Banksy-themed studio apartment, acquired my visa, and registered for classes. I’m almost through the process of packing and filling in anything I might not be able to get when I arrive (resisting the urge to fill my bags with mac & cheese cups and chick-fil-a sauce).

I’m finding my excitement to be closely matched with anxiety, and can go from being thrilled to tearing up about leaving my friends and family in seconds. The thought of not knowing anyone in a new city is daunting, and I’m finding myself running through countless scenarios where things are wonderful or horrible or anything in between. So, if you’re also feeling nerves or guilty about the excitement being bogged down by fear, I can assure you that you’re not alone and that it’s a perfectly normal way to feel! Change is hard but there’s so much to be gained! I keep thinking back to how hard it felt when I first left my hometown to come to DU, and how many incredible people I got to meet and I’ll the experiences I’ve gotten to have.

Here’s to new beginnings!!

What’s so wrong about leaving your hometown?

Before going to college, my grandma tried to talk me out of going to Colorado. She said it was too far away, leaving your family isn’t fair. Two years into my time at DU, I have learned she couldn’t be further from the truth.

I grew up in a suburb of Kansas City. My idea of a fun Friday night included cheering at my high school football game celebrating at Sonic nearby. I was content. I enjoyed my family, my friends, my comfort zone. But ever since I was little, I knew there was more.

I saw on TikTok a quote someone posted that read “Let’s normalize leaving our hometown to experience new things alone.” I opened the comments expecting a lot of praise and agreement, but I was met with hate and vicious messages. To summarize, many believe that leaving people you love is selfish and outdated. It is best to stay at home where you “belong.” But where do we belong? There is nothing written on the walls of our childhood rooms that this is where you are supposed to be. No law says that you can’t try other places on for size.

When I was accepted to the University of Denver, my family was skeptical. I am a homebody, so they were worried that I would want to be at home all the time. I did get homesick. There were times when I wished I stayed closer to home. I missed my friends, my family, and especially my dog. Leaving the place and the people I’ve spent 18 years of my life with was difficult, but I stuck it out and learned that the people who really care for you will always be around, no matter the distance.

To anyone worrying about studying abroad, or even going to a different college than most high school friends: don’t make your decision based on “what ifs.” Don’t let the fear of missing a championship game in your city or the passing of your childhood dog keep you from trying new things. Don’t let the worry of losing friendships stop you: if they are real, you’ll never lose them. I always have a home to come back to. I always have a family to lean on, blood or not. I am made of who I was, who I am, and who I am learning to become. During my four months abroad, I will be learning who I want to become, and I will still carry with me who I was. I will keep reminders of the people who love me in the past and hold places for the people who will love me in the future. And I will always be from Kansas, no matter how many miles away.

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