Home

Grief at a Distance

Published on by Hannah AdamsLeave a comment

We took a summer break! This post is from July 4, 2025. Hey everybody, very sorry for the late/delayed posts. Life has been very hectic recently, but I will post a bunch of posts back to back this time.

–

As you can probably guess from this title, I recently experienced a loss while in Japan. 

This Father’s Day, my great grandmother Judy–or Grandma Duck Duck, as we so fondly called her–passed away. She was 89 years old, only a month short of her 90th birthday. Not only am I not home, but I am thousands of miles away from it. This morning, I attended her funeral via zoom call. As my family said their goodbyes and mourned in solidarity with one another, I was watching on my bed, alone, only the blackness of the 3 A.M. sky keeping me company. 

It is hard to continue with life as normal, yet I also feel as though nothing has changed. 

Grieving at a distance is idiosyncratic; my heart and my mind know I have lost someone but my body and my time don’t seem to care. 

Loss is something that is obviously very difficult. It cuts deep, encompassing every bone and crevice in your body. But the fact that it happened while I was abroad has made this process of grieving and healing so much more difficult. I can’t uproot my life to give myself time to mourn Duck Duck; even if I wanted to. I had a test, a group project, and choir rehearsals all on the day she died. Grief is not an excuse to miss your commitments, they say.

I haven’t even cried yet. Obviously, tears are not a necessity for someone to grieve, and that does not mean that I don’t love her. I loved my Duck Duck so much; instead of sadness, I feel numbness. It feels like this huge prank has been pulled on me and I am just waiting for Ashton Kutcher to jump out and yell “You just got PUNK’D!”. But Kutcher never comes, and I am left alone with the reality that my beautiful, lovely Duck Duck is gone. 

There is a James Patterson quote I feel resonates with me at the moment:

“The weird, weird thing about devastating loss is that life actually goes on. When you’re faced with a tragedy, a loss so huge that you have no idea how you can live through it, somehow, the world keeps turning, the seconds keep ticking.”

Even though my world seems to be flipped on its axis, it still keeps spinning. The world does not stop for my grief, even though I really, really want it to. Despite my desire to bedrot and ignore the world for a week, the world is too busy turning to notice or care that I am gone. I can not simply stop living my life in the shadow of grief of someone I once loved, but I also deserve the space to mourn her in the way that I need. 

It has been difficult managing these feelings while being so separated from the source of them. It’s hard, but a much needed, albeit brutal, punch in the face from reality that the world does not stop for me, even if I wanted it to. As unfortunate at it is, Duck Duck is only the beginning of many deaths in my life when I will be away from home, and what better time than now, when I have absolutely no one in my family around me, to develop the coping mechanisms necessary for dealing with loss without perspiring into a pool of uncontainable sorrow. 

Being abroad while struggling with the death of a loved one has not been an ideal experience – neither is being anywhere and being faced with death – but I am thankful for the opportunity to mature, even though it came at the expense of the loss of life. 

I will miss you Duck Duck, and I do miss you, and I will carry your legacy through me. 

Your chickadee forever.

Weekend Highlights

Published on by Katie SandovalLeave a comment

We took a summer break! This post is from June 24, 2025. Even though things have been busy lately, I’ve been trying to finish most of my assignments ahead of time so I can explore new places and try different things on the weekends. Over the past few weekends, I’ve gone to Kobe, attended an orchestral concert, and even hiked with friends. Here’s a quick recap of some of those adventures.

Day Trip to Kobe

Since Kobe is about 1–2 hours away, we left around 8:30 a.m. to make the most of our day. We visited a few gardens, starting with a small one that I honestly don’t remember, but it was peaceful and a nice way to start the trip.

Our next stop was the Nunobiki Herb Gardens and Ropeway. We stayed there for nearly two hours since the area was beautiful. You can either hike up to the gardens or, like we did, take the gondola. I’d definitely recommend riding the gondola up as it has an amazing view of Kobe, then hike back down.

At the top, we wandered through flower gardens and small shops before heading into the greenhouse. There was a nearby cafe where we treated ourselves to something sweet. On the way down, we passed by colorful hydrangeas, roses, and daisies and even relaxed for a bit in hammocks (which we didn’t want to get out of).

Continuing our way down, we visited Nunobiki Falls or also known as Ontaki/Meotodaki. Since it was already along the trail, it made for a great stop before heading back into the city.

After that, we explored Kobe Chinatown Nankin-machi. Along the way, we stopped at a shrine, visited a well-known chocolate shop, and grabbed some lunch. When we finally reached Chinatown, it was bustling with people and there were many food stalls around. One of my friends tried a red bean paste bun called Piyo-man which looked really good and cute. Honestly, there were so many food options that I got overwhelmed and didn’t end up trying anything. I kind of wish I had looked up what people recommended beforehand.

Near the end of the day, we headed to Kobe Port as it was said to be really pretty around sunset. We saw the Kobe tower, watched a small performance nearby, and even saw some unexpected fireworks. We’re not sure what the occasion was, but it was a fun surprise.

Osaka Orchestral Concert

The following weekend, we went back to Osaka for a concert. We went on a Friday, a day my friends had class, so I waited for my friend’s class to finish before we headed to Osaka. When we arrived, we went to a place to make our own key charms, tried some interesting looking croissants, and wandered around a mall before heading to the orchestra.

The concert was conducted by Joe Hisaishi, the main composer for Studio Ghibli films, which is why we were excited to go as we thought it would feature Ghibli music. While it turned out to be a general orchestral performance instead, we still really enjoyed it.

Hiking Mt. Atago

Another weekend adventure was hiking Mt. Atago, one of the tallest mountains in Kyoto. The full hike is about 4–5 hours long, with the summit being about 3,031 feet and even having a shrine at the top.  My friends and I ended up going when it was raining, which I highly don’t recommend doing. The only reason we still decided to hike Mt. Atago was because we had already planned to hike Mt. Fuji soon, so this was a way for us to train up for that.

We started early because of the long hike and limited bus service near the trail (there’s only one bus that comes about once every hour till about 5 p.m.). On the way up, we took our time, took plenty of breaks, stayed hydrated, and made sure everyone was doing ok. The rain definitely made it harder to hike up, but some of the views we saw during our hike were beautiful and we made it to the top in about two hours.

The hike down was even more difficult though because of the rain making everything slippering and muddy, which slowed me down a lot. My friends were great about waiting for me though, and we all finished the hike in a little over four hours. We were soaked by the end, so after lunch, I took a quick shower… followed by a six-hour nap.

It’s been a full few weekends, but I’ve loved the mix of experiences—exploring new places, seeing amazing views, trying new things, and even testing our limits a little. There is so much more we have been planning for the remainder of our time here that I am looking forward to.