We took a summer break! This post is from June 17, 2025. The last few weeks have been pretty busy as assignments have started to pick up. The semester is also a little over halfway finished, which means it’s time for midterms. I’ve already taken two and have another one coming up in about two weeks.
One of my “midterms” was for my Japanese speaking class. It felt more like a review than a real exam, so I only reviewed the grammar points we learned from that class. For a speaking-focused course, I got partnered up with one of my friends and we had to write a short script. We didn’t need to actually speak our scrip out loud when we were done and we were even allowed to use our phones to look up words we didn’t remember, so it was actually a pretty easy test.
The second midterm, though, was for my Natural Disasters class and that one I definitely had to study for. We were tested on earthquakes, volcanoes, mass movements and more. Science isn’t really my strong suit, so I tried to review as much as I could, right up until the last minute.
The format of the test was also interesting, one paper had the questions, and we had to write our answers on a separate sheet. I kept catching myself almost forgetting to write my answer on the answer sheet sometimes since I just wanted to write it down next to the question. Even though I was stressing out on how I did, I managed to pass with a C, which I’m honestly happy with.
Aside from midterms, all seven of my classes have been assigning more presentations and homework. The workload itself isn’t terrible, but it’s happening at the same time I’m starting to get notices about things to do before leaving Japan.
Balancing schoolwork and preparing to move out has definitely been stressful. I also want to keep my weekends free for exploring, which means I’ve been trying to finish all my assignments during the four weekdays I have class. It’s starting to become a lot to balance, but I’m still trying to do my best to stay on top of everything.
I keep waiting to wake up. For someone to tell me that this was only a dream, and that I am not actually leaving for Japan in 50 days. If I was a character in a children’s television show, I would yell out to the world, “Somebody pinch me!” and hope that, by some miraculous force, someone’s hand would pinch mine.
And yet, here I am: not a children’s television character, but a human, wide awake and experiencing this in real time.
I exist in a constant state of disbelief that this is even happening to me. Last week, my friends and I officially booked our flights to Japan. This morning, I officially accepted my Gilman Scholarship Award and am in the process of finalizing everything. It finally set in that this is actually real.
I am actually going to Japan! My first ever international trip! I’m giddy just at the thought that these words are my reality, that I am doing so in this lifetime, and it isn’t just my imagination.
I still have so much to do in preparation for my departure, but I am so excited to have this new experience with my friends. We have already started planning different places we want to see and visit and have even started looking at the coffee shops and cafés near our campus. I started a wish list for things I need, along with a list of everyone I want to buy souvenirs for and what to buy them. I am planning solo-travel days and downloading different travel itineraries from travel influencers and locals on what things to do when in Japan.
I created a widget on my phone that counts down how many days I have left until we leave and I constantly find myself checking in on it, hoping the days continuously get lower and lower until it’s eventually the day of take off and I am stepping on that plane platform. But alas, the days stay 24 hours, and the weeks stay 7 days.
As a first-generation student, this is something that I never expected to have ever been able to do, especially for no cost. Simply being the first one in my family for many generations to receive a higher education is an utmost blessing in and of itself but having the opportunity to study abroad is the opportunity of a lifetime. I carry the dreams of my ancestors along with me in my shadow, and I bring everything they taught me throughout my actions in my life. It is because of them that I am even in college getting the ability to even have this opportunity.
It is for these reasons, though, despite my excitement, that I am also incredibly anxious anticipating what awaits me.
The unknown is both welcoming and extremely terrifying.
Trying to know what to expect and how to plan accordingly as a first-generation student has been a challenge I knew would come, but was unexpectedly underprepared for. How does one apply for a visa? Or navigate customs? How do I know what forms I need and how to get them if my mom also has no idea?
Going this far away from home for the first time is also going to be a major adjustment that I am nervous for. I moved away from home for college, but there is a difference between moving from the green peaks of the Appalachians to the snowy peaks of the Rockies, and moving across oceans to be in the home place of the beautiful Mount Fuji, yet almost 7,000 miles away from the home I know.
From mountain peak to mountain peak, navigating the cultural differences is one thing, but I am scared that my naivety will be to my detriment while abroad. This feeling of uncertainty is definitely a strong one, and the imposter syndrome that follows along with it has been becoming increasingly difficult to manage. Everyone else seems to have it all figured out, and yet here I am, unsure and ignorant to the realities and struggles.
What if I can’t make it abroad? What if everything I planned for ends up falling short because I was underprepared?
Yet, as I sit and listen to the stories of those around me, I have learned that no one ever has it truly figured out. Sure, it may take me a bit longer to figure out how things work, but, in the end, this will be a new experience for almost everyone. The fear and the excitement are mutually exclusive, and they work in tandem. I have learned that anxiety is normal, and it is okay to feel it!
First-generation students like myself deserve the opportunity to excel and enter gates that were previously closed to us before. As I savor my final 50 days in Denver, I will use my time to appreciate the privilege of experience and change without denying myself the permission to feel the very real worry that I am feeling. They are not antitheses of one another, but rather welcomed companions on my journey.
