I am half way through the semester and a quarter way through the year, and I haven’t decided whether or not I am truly happy here. It’s tough to be happy here when thinking about the fact that my parents are back home and my friends are in Denver. However, I know that I will never forget this experience and that this time in my life is going to be one of my favorites.

It’s a strange feeling being in a place that’s supposed to be “home” for now, but not quite feeling like it yet. I wake up, walk the same routes to campus every day, go to classes, eat meals with people who are slowly becoming familiar, but I still sometimes I Feel like I’m watching my life from the outside. I tell myself it’s normal. Change always comes with a bit of discomfort, and that’s okay.

When I first arrived here, everything felt exciting: the buildings, new faces, independence. There was this rush of excitement everywhere. I could be anyone, do anything. But once the excitement wore off, reality set in.

I miss home in ways I didn’t expect. It’s not just the big things, but the little ones too. The way my house smells like pine and my mom’s perfume, the sound of my dog running to the door when someone comes home, the comfort of knowing exactly where everything goes. Here, everything takes adjusting to, even grocery shopping feels like a small adventure.

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The homesickness is quiet and sneaks up on me when I’m walking to class or when a certain smell reminds me of home, or when I scroll through photos of my friends hanging out without me. I remind myself that they’re still a part of my life and they’re living their lives too. We’re all growing in different directions right now, and that’s part of what makes this part of my life so important.

This time away from home has forced me to get to know myself better. When you’re surrounded by the familiar, you don’t always notice your own habits or strengths. But when you’re on your own, you have to figure things out. I’ve learned that I can handle more than I thought I could.

I don’t know exactly how the rest of the semester (and year) will go. I will have more ups and downs, more questions, more moments of missing home. But I also know there will be laughter, new memories, and growth that I can’t predict.